A moment will come, maybe ina month, maybea year, maybe even several years. You'll be sick or feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. It wont matter. Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddendly realize things ar enot how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason, you will no longer be the person you believed you once were. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, more importantly shifts in you. Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how. You'll have forgotten what granted you this awareness in the first place.
You might try then, as i did, to find a sky so full of stars it will blind you again. Only no sky can blind you now. Even with all that iridescent magic up there, your eye will no longer linger on the light, it will no longer trace constellations. You'll care only about the darkness and you'll watch it for hours, for days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you're some kind of indispensable, universe-appointed sentinel, asif just by looking you could actually keep it all at bay. It will get so bad you'll be afraid to look away, you'll be afraid to sleep.
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great coplexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscoius. And then, for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be , what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.
And then the nightmares will begin.
[ kyrre ] | 9:31 PM | Comment(s)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Name 3 schools you went to: -Min xin primary school -HSC -Ngee Ann Polytechnic
Name 3 things in your purse/wallet: -Cash -Coins -Cards
Name 3 things you like to wear; -smart 4 (forced to) -admin attire (forced to) -boots (forced to ? you bet.)
Name 3 things you always do when you are stressed up: -bite my fingers -gets pessimistic -?
Name 3 favourite songs right now: -Stephy Tang - Ta Bu Zhun Wo Ku -Joey yung - xin dan -Joey Yung - amen
Name 3 favourite persons in life: -I love myself -I love myself -I love myself
Name 3 places you go on a daily basis: -my fking office -home -my fking bunk
Name 3 things you like to do: -soccer -sleep -?
Name 3 people of the opposite sex that you hold hands before: -mum -grandma -cousin
Name 3 favourite fruits: -Apple -grapes -ORanges
Name 3 things you are addicted to: -poker -the internet makes you stupid -sleeping
Name 3 favourite hobbies: -Sleeping -Surfing -Poker (picked up recently)
Name 3 career choices: -garang guni -road sweeper -sell backside
Name 3 goals in 2006: -become fitter! -become more hensem! -become taller!
Name 3 plans for tomorrow: -go back camp -tuang in store -read finish book 4
Name 3 things that scare you: -flying cockcroaches -fear of the unknown ? -i really dunno
Name 3 of your essential needs; -komputer -hp -mp3 player
Name 3 things you are wearing now: -Shirt -Shorts -shoes
Name 3 unforgettable events still in your mind: -every -single -moment with her
Name 3 of your favourite artistes: -Jacky Wu~ -Joey Yung -the immortal OASIS.
Name 3 things essential in relationships: -chemistry -compatability -?
Name 3 things you want to do before you leave this world: -see the world - -
Name 3 people to do this quiz: -you -j00 -U
[ kyrre ] | 8:02 PM | Comment(s)
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
http://www.burj-al-arab.com/
Swee right ? Reminds me of Gab's castle but that's another story. Rooms cost 1.7K SGD per night (cheapest) to more than 10-20K for the royal suite. Anyone wanna go for a trip there can bring me along ?
[ kyrre ] | 9:51 PM | Comment(s)
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
ahahahha this is something i read in a forum : A true story of two soldiers.
A True Soldier's Story:
Marine Staff Sergeant Simon J. Sandoval distinguished himself by meritorious service during two combat deployments in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. In August 2004, his platoon was caught in the “kill zone” of a coordinated enemy ambush. Displaying unparalleled competence, he was able to orient the platoon’s fires upon the enemy to prevent collateral damage and civilian casualties. Later, the same month, he evacuated a Marine who had been shot in the neck by enemy sniper fire. After the Marine was shot, Staff Sergeant Sandoval led the casualty evacuation team to a pick up point while still under enemy fire. He ensured that the wounded Marine was loaded up in an armored vehicle before worrying about his personal safety or tending to his own injuries. For his continued actions and selflessness while serving in Iraq, he earned the Bronze Star Medal with the Combat Distinguishing Device. Additionally, for injuries he sustained from enemy rocket propelled grenade fire, he was awarded the Purple Heart by the President of the United States. His distinctive accomplishments reflect credit upon himself, the United States Marine Corps and the Department of Defense.
An SAF Soldier's Story:
IN HIS 17 years in the army, Lieutenant-Colonel Jimmy Toh has never had a more challenging task. On Aug 9, his job is to ensure that the National Day Parade (NDP) runs like clockwork.
From his vantage point in a room just above the grandstand - which gives him a full view of the stadium - he will cue the movement of about 11,200 participants and other support staff.
'It's a big project that involves both military and non-military personnel and many of them are waiting for just one command,' said Lt-Col Toh, 35, who is in charge of a battalion of 600 men.
In the control room, he and five others pore over a table on their laptops that lists every cue they have to issue to the participants below. It is a mind-boggling 80 pages long.
AHAHAHAHAHA...
One will tell his grandkids how he got his award for bravery facing enemy fire in the line of duty, another will tell his kids how he became colonel because of his choreography skills.
[ kyrre ] | 11:18 PM | Comment(s)
Monday, August 07, 2006
If i were to be honest, i hate night time. At times when your mind is preoccupied with other stuff it isn't so bad, but on days like last Saturday when I was alone in bunk lying on my bed, watching the last remmants of sunlight get drown away by the perpetual darkness that heaviness in my heart, along with many other things start to come back. And worst still, when I try to look around looking for something to read and take my mind off certain stuff, the only thing i can find is an old cover of FMH or was it MAxim with Steph Song who claims that i'd only have to give her a roti prata and she will be mine. Ah yes..i could do with a Steph Song at that point of time.
So you can't really do anything but lie down and think and reminisce about things you once treasured, moments you once cherish, people who you once loved. I guess as a Taurean, it's much harder to put down or simply forget certain things. Family or friends, little memories that you know you will forever remember. It is painful to know exactly that overindulging in the melancholic past is pulling you two steps back everytime you try to take a step forward, but at the same time you can't help it. You are fighting a losing battle. You can't control your mind from thinking. You can't control your mind to refrain from making connections of objects, things, even conversations to someone or something. But no, you won't cry. There isn't any overwhelming sense of sorrow or sadness in your thoughts, at least not until you've transported from the comfort of the memories to the inevitability of the present. Now that, my friend, is where it starts to get painful. It's like waking up from a bad dream - only to realise that wasn't a dream at all. And then slowly, gradually, you will get used to how you feel, to the heaviness in your heart everytime it comes, you don't reject it anymore, and you start to yearn for it. You realize that the douse of heaviness is one of the few things left still capable of triggering a genuine emotion inside you, one you feel you can touch right through your heart and talk to it. Now you will, for at least a short moment, understand why she cried when you last spoke to her your heart. You will suddendly feel philosophical, on the brink of some great enlightenment, and then regrets, along with despair will start to creep in. Ah, boy. Regrets. Sometimes i think regrets are God's unique way of making sure you don't do something wrong twice, but it backfires. You end up cherishing and savouring the moment of regret, but not the act, or the regret itself.
It is ok if you don't know what i'm talking about, particularly the last line, but for a moment there i felt like i've just explained alot of things to myself.
EDIT : Grammar and spelling. Blogging feels good after all. Guess i will blog more often.
[ kyrre ] | 8:53 PM | Comment(s)
NAbei SuckHub. My downloading speed has dropped from 50+ to barely 10!!! Barely 10 can you believe it. And this is on the latest Guess 3 torrent that should normally be full of seeds. KNN SuckHub. First the World Cup cabletv stunt and now this nonsense. If not for old time's sake i'd have already dumped you. It's just like wanting to break up with someone but not doing just because you were together for too long.
[ kyrre ] | 8:04 PM | Comment(s)
A Darwin worthy incident on how i managed to cut my finger with a pair of shaver.
you see for some inexplicable reason, there is a shaver in the small compartment of my bag. Now i cannot remember when or why would a shaver be found in there but somehow, it's just there. Ye i know who the hell puts a shaver in his bag and carry it around..but that's just me.
Now it was a fine Saturday morning and i was back in camp as opposed to what i should normally be doing (sleeping at home)so i was feeling abit sian already. Approaching my bunk i rummaged my trousers as always to get my key, but this time the familiar jingle wasn't there. Allright so it should be in the small compartment in my bag yeah ? Or so i thought. I tried to feel the outline of the key but still, nothing. Now the compartment was actually quite full containing my wallet hp mp3 player, receipts, and plenty of other rubbish stuff and i was getting quite frustrated so i took down my bag and open it and put my hand inside and anyhow whack here and there trying to feel the key. The only thing i 'whacked' 5 seconds later were the 2 inches thick blades of my shaver on my precious middle finger, leaving two artistic scars on it. Honestly it was quite painful, as my first impressions were "C******" and then after i looked at it"FUCK"! I thought it was a small cut at first so i just wiped the blood underneath my smart 4 but the blood simply kept on gushing out. No exaggeration the blood was really flowing out badly for such a small cut. Rushed to the toilet and pressed it under the water but the thing just wont stop bleeding. Went down to the OPS RM and requested for some plaster. For the time it had taken the guy to get me a plaster, i might have died. Anyhow put 2 handiplast on it and went to the medical centre. By the time i got there the handiplast was already covered with blood. Now the duty personnel at the MC was abit more high class as they gave me a cotton wool that resembled a condom and put two pieces of masking tape over it. They could might as well stapled it to my finger.
And no i did not manage to find my bunk key. Gab wanna give it back to me ?
[ kyrre ] | 11:27 AM | Comment(s)
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Me
Hi, i don't care what you say about me as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right.
