WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Monday, August 07, 2006

If i were to be honest, i hate night time. At times when your mind is preoccupied with other stuff it isn't so bad, but on days like last Saturday when I was alone in bunk lying on my bed, watching the last remmants of sunlight get drown away by the perpetual darkness that heaviness in my heart, along with many other things start to come back. And worst still, when I try to look around looking for something to read and take my mind off certain stuff, the only thing i can find is an old cover of FMH or was it MAxim with Steph Song who claims that i'd only have to give her a roti prata and she will be mine. Ah yes..i could do with a Steph Song at that point of time.

So you can't really do anything but lie down and think and reminisce about things you once treasured, moments you once cherish, people who you once loved. I guess as a Taurean, it's much harder to put down or simply forget certain things. Family or friends, little memories that you know you will forever remember. It is painful to know exactly that overindulging in the melancholic past is pulling you two steps back everytime you try to take a step forward, but at the same time you can't help it. You are fighting a losing battle. You can't control your mind from thinking. You can't control your mind to refrain from making connections of objects, things, even conversations to someone or something. But no, you won't cry. There isn't any overwhelming sense of sorrow or sadness in your thoughts, at least not until you've transported from the comfort of the memories to the inevitability of the present. Now that, my friend, is where it starts to get painful. It's like waking up from a bad dream - only to realise that wasn't a dream at all. And then slowly, gradually, you will get used to how you feel, to the heaviness in your heart everytime it comes, you don't reject it anymore, and you start to yearn for it. You realize that the douse of heaviness is one of the few things left still capable of triggering a genuine emotion inside you, one you feel you can touch right through your heart and talk to it.
Now you will, for at least a short moment, understand why she cried when you last spoke to her your heart. You will suddendly feel philosophical, on the brink of some great enlightenment, and then regrets, along with despair will start to creep in. Ah, boy. Regrets. Sometimes i think regrets are God's unique way of making sure you don't do something wrong twice, but it backfires. You end up cherishing and savouring the moment of regret, but not the act, or the regret itself.

It is ok if you don't know what i'm talking about, particularly the last line, but for a moment there i felt like i've just explained alot of things to myself.

EDIT : Grammar and spelling. Blogging feels good after all. Guess i will blog more often.

[ kyrre ] | 8:53 PM | Comment(s)

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Hi, i don't care what you say about me as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right.

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